Most people are pretty active when they engage in conversation. It is in that nod- along-and-pretend-to-understand sort of way, that so many of us do with out even realizing it. Our minds are so preoccupied creating these menial, mental post-it notes that, before any talking even takes place, our mind's are already elsewhere.
I was well aware of this before I started bartending, but three years later, my acknowledgment to people's inability to listen has grown from a casual realization, to a potential epidemic.
We all want to be heard, right? Yet how often we interrupt, revert conversation to ourselves, change the subject, or completely disregard and ignore what someone is trying to say?
It's really easy to hear someone, but when was the last time you listened? Really listened to some one attempting to put their life experience into verbiage. It's not an easy thing to do, and I always admire the attempt. Whether it's a lonely person behind a beer bottle, or the manager of Jiffy Lube desperate to share the story of his friend's battle with cancer. We're all so busy listening to our busy brains, we miss so many moments to let some one be heard.
You know because you realize that people hear you all day, but you have an exhausted feeling of competing for words; competing to put in your thoughts and opinions.
There's an amazing silence between sentences. An understanding between words, between breaths. A gentle acceptance exchanged with out any verbal agreement. Offering your thoughts and emotions to someone because they're listening. It's a comfort that not many people get the chance to enjoy, or worse, perhaps they do daily, but they take those volunteered ears for granted.
But when it's mutual; when two people really dedicate themselves to listening, an amazing relationship is instantly born. I think it's called listening with your heart. . .
It is an inherently rare quality, but there are some out there that posses it.
The catch is, you have to be listening with your heart too, or you won't hear anything....
When you do, suddenly, the competition has diminished. The awkward dance of dressing up your words to try to interest someone is over. You've found someone that doesn't hear your words, they listen.
It's like they've decoded your language, and suddenly you can't help but tell them all your secrets that have been aching to be heard.
Because at the end of the day... aren't we all just aching to be heard?
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