Navigating Blindly (revised)

This game of hide and seek,

Did not end a day too soon.



Lost in a daze,

Around the days,

That followed losing you.



A fractured heart packed false hope,

set the cruise control,

for a destination anywhere

Away from the life

That did not make sense,

Without you.



The rearview mirror

Could not reflect the hurt

This place echoed

In your absence.



Cancer stole your breath,

And I promised you

I would not waste a breath,

Of this life,

You gave me.



In North Carolina,

Mom spoke of you.

The love resurfaced in her eyes,

I saw the night you reunited

In room 323.



She said you looked like a little boy,

Eyes of wonder.

Then her eyes filled

Seeing you,

disappear.



She is happy someone saw the man

She fell in love with.

The gentle,

tender one,

That proposed at the kitchen sink.



Father’s day left me

Victimized.

Without you.

I drove to Houston to be with Lindsay,

So you could smile down on

us.



A drunk driver hit my car while we slept,

And I awoke to realize,

You,

Could not help

Me.



I have a constant wonder

Of what you are doing,

What you are thinking,

What you are doing…

Up there.



It followed me to Portland,

Reflected in the river,

Where it danced the surface,

With the fireworks.



They welcomed us in celebration,

The beginning of a journey,

Of two sisters,

Looking for answers to questions

They did not yet know.



A wild scavenger hunt,

With a blank list.

No where to go,

But nowhere to be.



Had to be better than where we were.

We had each other now,

That was all you wanted.

It was all we needed.





I woke up on a sailboat,

After San Francisco gave me a lucid dream,

And I felt you on the dock with me,

That morning.



The city I called you from

years earlier.

You told me to come home,

And you became my best friend.

I was almost 19,

But I felt like I met you for the first time.



A week later,

Arizona found us camping.

Tears dressed my sunburned cheeks

The first night I crawled into a tent,

and didn’t see you.



It sent me to Virginia,

Just three summers ago,

Where we escaped the world together.

You taught me how to find happiness,

With nothing.



Who knew it had been there

all along.



I carried it home.



You changed my life in seven days.

Six months later,

They told us you were losing yours.



Waffle house poisoned my belly,

Somewhere in Georgia.

I spent two days lying under covers,

Watching the rain cry down Mom’s windows.



Remembering.



That card you wrote me that said

My voice brightened your ever-gloomy days.

I wished I could hear yours,

If just a second.



We crossed the bridge to a welcome sign,

New Jersey offered to greet our dirty feet,

And wild stories,

That I would not share,

with you.



The daze still surround these thoughts of you,

But the days no longer blur

The life I miss.



Now they define

A new love,

Anew life.



I am still learning my way,

From you losing you.