This Sun ( revised)

This quiet warmth makes you feel present.
People surround me,

But I am completely alone.

For I am not here,
But there.

The air has breath,

But only under

This sun.

It reminds me to exhale

As the waves rewind
My fast-forward.
This confusion
Makes me

Pause.

In the stillness
I am moving,
Backward.
Those moments we shared,
Soaking,
Drifting,
Forgetting everything,
Under the brilliance of
This sun.
Nothing has changed of this scenery we reveled in.
Nothing is the same of days here.

For it is now.
Then,
Is simply a memory.
My skin will darken to flaunt my day spent here.
My heart will feel close to you,
But even for these hours.

My beach chair is almost as lonely as I feel,

Without you.

The ocean is too salty,

To swallow my tears today.
I fall asleep on the sand,
And wake up looking for you.

To see you glistening on your float,
Smothered in baby oil
Behind your Ray Bans,
A can of seltzer in one hand,

The other inviting me in.
Or sitting next to me,

Reading the novel you started that morning.
You are nearly finished,
Crunching on a hard pretzel,

Handing one my way just as I open my eyes.

I never knew I could miss some one

The way that I

Miss
You.


It has been fifteen months since I laid next to you,


In that stiff,

Borrowed bed.



Part of me knew

That would be our last night.

The little girl that missed out

On those twenty years with you,

Just was not ready

To let go.



So much happened that I lost my way

In this life,

That continued

Without me,

When you left.



I wish.

I wish I could call you for advice,

Or directions.



I wish I could see your smile on a Sunday,

On a Wednesday,

Or any day

At all.



Today,

I will carry you.

Transcended through the tender,

Golden Rays of

This sun.